As someone who doesn't necessarily considers herself as a "professional dancer," in that I'm not really in high demand to do anything, there's still a lot of negative thoughts that still float through my head once in a while.
I know that I've come far in the past several years, showing more confidence in my performances and just generally having more fun. But I still get really nervous right before a performance.
It's kind of funny what kinds of negative thoughts will flit through our heads in times of nervousness. I think about whether I'm doing the dance justice, if I'm wearing the right kind of costume, if the costume will do something unexpected, if the music does something unexpected, or if I'm entertaining enough for the audience.
I have learned to push those thoughts away just as I'm about to step on the stage, but I wish I could learn to push them away during practice.
A couple of weeks ago during Amira Jamal's class, she lead a conversation about being present. While we should be aware of what our bodies are doing (are our arms and hands full of energy? are we tucked? are we smiling?), are we able to ascend being physically present to being mentally and emotionally present?
During the undulations portion of our warm-up drills, I somehow became extremely disconnected with myself. My undulations weren't doing what they usually would be doing, and Amira noticed it as well.
I remember thinking, "What in the world? This doesn't feel right..." But I just kept going instead of stopping or really trying to figure out what was wrong.
Amira asked, "So, you were aware of the fact that something was wrong. What could you have done to fix it?"
Seriously, she asked me a question that is basically defining my life right now.
I told her I couldn't answer that question, as it's literally been something that's weighing on me. The more I thought about it, the more emotional I could feel myself getting.
Being in this state of unemployment with no direction has really been difficult for me. At my last full time job, I was able to thrive because I was able to put a lot of my own ideas, and thus a lot of myself, into the work. Because I was able to get out most of my ideas or even just be able to talk about them and hash them out, I think I was able to let the rest of my creativity flow through my dancing.
Does that make sense?
So, because I've been basically stagnant in my professional life, it's starting to affect my dance and my health. It's almost like once I realized that I was blocking myself from creative expression, my body reacted to it by stuffing my sinuses and giving me a sore throat. And honestly, I'm so angry at myself for letting it get the best of me.
I think what I'd like to do in the next couple of weeks is to sit quietly or with some soft music playing. I would like to learn how to meditate and really quiet my ever-moving mind. I will try to make sure that if any ideas do surface, that I write them down or draw them out.
Holding on to it all hasn't been productive, and I need to try something new.
What has stood in the way of your dancing? Is there a zone or a frame of mind that helps you to be creative? What techniques do you use for silencing your mind?
I know that I've come far in the past several years, showing more confidence in my performances and just generally having more fun. But I still get really nervous right before a performance.
It's kind of funny what kinds of negative thoughts will flit through our heads in times of nervousness. I think about whether I'm doing the dance justice, if I'm wearing the right kind of costume, if the costume will do something unexpected, if the music does something unexpected, or if I'm entertaining enough for the audience.
I have learned to push those thoughts away just as I'm about to step on the stage, but I wish I could learn to push them away during practice.
A couple of weeks ago during Amira Jamal's class, she lead a conversation about being present. While we should be aware of what our bodies are doing (are our arms and hands full of energy? are we tucked? are we smiling?), are we able to ascend being physically present to being mentally and emotionally present?
During the undulations portion of our warm-up drills, I somehow became extremely disconnected with myself. My undulations weren't doing what they usually would be doing, and Amira noticed it as well.
I remember thinking, "What in the world? This doesn't feel right..." But I just kept going instead of stopping or really trying to figure out what was wrong.
Amira asked, "So, you were aware of the fact that something was wrong. What could you have done to fix it?"
Seriously, she asked me a question that is basically defining my life right now.
I told her I couldn't answer that question, as it's literally been something that's weighing on me. The more I thought about it, the more emotional I could feel myself getting.
Being in this state of unemployment with no direction has really been difficult for me. At my last full time job, I was able to thrive because I was able to put a lot of my own ideas, and thus a lot of myself, into the work. Because I was able to get out most of my ideas or even just be able to talk about them and hash them out, I think I was able to let the rest of my creativity flow through my dancing.
Does that make sense?
So, because I've been basically stagnant in my professional life, it's starting to affect my dance and my health. It's almost like once I realized that I was blocking myself from creative expression, my body reacted to it by stuffing my sinuses and giving me a sore throat. And honestly, I'm so angry at myself for letting it get the best of me.
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| Meditation and Chakras |
Holding on to it all hasn't been productive, and I need to try something new.
What has stood in the way of your dancing? Is there a zone or a frame of mind that helps you to be creative? What techniques do you use for silencing your mind?
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