"My name is Cecilia, and I'll be your Goddess this evening."

Names have power.

Naming things has power - for better or for worse.

Names can be changed in order to remove or increase power.

Names are identity.

I personally love my name, in all its Filipino-ness, individuality, Simon & Garfunkel ode-inspired, and significance.

I've often thought about my name and how it relates to my persona.  As I'm living a daytime life and a nighttime life, I know I can separate the two as not everyone knows about my belly dancing or my "night job."  But the one thing I feel that I can't separate is my name.

In belly dance, it seems that most dancers have a stage name.  Shira provides a great article about the process of deciding and finding a name.  Though I know it's not a necessity, there is a lure in creating a whole new personality just by changing my name.  The idea of being able to throw away all your cares and dance the night away is quite attractive.

Yet, I find it hard to give myself a name without giving the rest of me the cold shoulder.

So, I have considered a couple of names, most of which obviously has some significance to mermaids.  Serena, the Spanish and Filipino word for "mermaid."  Jullanar or Dyullanar, a mermaid that shows up in Thousand and One Nights, with the second version in the Filipino way of spelling it.  Dyesebel, the name of a Filipino mermaid, popularized by written stories and film.

Dyesebel as a tv show in the Philippines...must...watch.....

But...I also really like my own name.  I don't know if I feel that I'm being dishonest about who I am if I take on another personality?  Maybe it's that I feel like it would become just another thing for me to carry?  Maybe I feel that if I'm going to learn as much as I can about Middle Eastern dance, that I need to go into it fully by giving myself fully, and that includes my name?

*shrug*

I don't know.  But for now, as I'm not a professional dancer, I'm satisfied using my own name.

In my Athena's business, one that would require me to separate my night life with my day life, I proudly use my own name.  Again, I feel like I can't create a whole different persona to match this other part of my life.  It's almost exhausting just thinking about having to create a different persona.

Though, clearly, I would try to be careful about whom and what I talk about my night job, I still feel like who I am as a Goddess vs. who I am as a social worker needs to be compatible in order for me to even exist.  With all my quirks, all my sillyness, and all my passion for helping you find your inner Goddess, what you see is what you get.

More recently, a new acquaintance told me that she was joining Passion Parties.  Now, I don't know much about that company other than that they're based in San Francisco.  At first, I was pretty bummed that I didn't have the opportunity to recruit this person.  But, then I was really excited that someone was joining the team of women (in all the different companies) that try to bring others passions out.

Personally, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Athena's.  The fact that this business fell into my lap was clearly fate.  Starting with even the name of the company, highlighting the Greek Goddess of Wisdom as opposed to the Goddess of Love, I knew that I would be very comfortable.  The geek in me that loves Greek myths absolutely perked up. 

Then, there's the mission of the organization:

Our Mission: To empower women down the path of sexual education in the safe, comfortable environment of their own homes by offering only the highest quality products presented by a trained Athena's Goddess.

Right up my alley.  Ever since I became sexually active, I've strongly believed that one should be educated about sex before engaging in it.  In my 3 years of being a Goddess, the hardest part for me has been meeting girls who have engaged in sex not fully knowing their bodies or what pleases them.  I'm not asking for folks to take an anatomy class or to study up on sex before getting into it.  But even just to get to know your own body...it's something.

Goddess

I take the role of Goddess quite seriously.  I wear my Goddess pin proudly.  I did not hesitate tacking that onto my name and persona.  While it's still an addition to my name, it doesn't feel like a further extension of who I am, or another thing to carry.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I've been juggling all my roles.  I think that holding onto my name as an integral part of all the things I engage in will help keep me grounded and rooted.  As I mentioned in the beginning, names have power...I think I'd like to keep both.

Saturn's Return

Entering my late mid-twenties (disguised as my early late-twenties), my friend Joya clued me into "Saturn's Return." According to this astrological theory, this is the time when lots of changes occur - goals are attained, milestones are reached. Though it's not supposed to be about painful upheaval, I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't some of that thrown into the mix for the fun of it all.

Since April 23rd of 2009, I must say there have been a lot of things going on in this 27 year old's life. From the more personal part, I've had to make some decisions about how far I'm willing to stretch myself for other people. But, that's not necessarily something I'm ready to get into in the blogosphere (god, what a word I never thought I'd use...).

With my night job, I felt like there needed to be a change. I love the intimacy (pun intended!) of the house parties. But I knew I needed to take it to another level. So, I started with my personal contacts (especially Perry - the personification of a Rolodex), and received a couple of great leads! As of today, I will be doing a gig on June 14th at the Savant Project in Roxbury. I am super excited to get this kind of exposure for my business! The owner of the Savant Project seems like a great guy, and he seems to be doing quite well in that area. I also have one other person to get into contact with. Hopefully, before this week is over, I will have made contact and will have another meeting with a bartender about doing a bar promotion.

got toys? I do.

Then, there's belly dancing. It's an expensive hobby! But I love it. I've been signing onto different networks, learning about workshops in the area, and signing up to take classes with different teachers. I loveAmira Jamal, but I have a tendency to become super faithful to my teachers. While I think being faithful is a good thing, it can also limit a persons education. I was bummed that she wasn't going to do a summer session, but it was a clear sign that I needed to get out of that comfort zone. So, I've signed up as a member of the New England Belly Dance Association, signed up to take an upcoming workshop, and am planning to check out Najmat's classes at the Green Street Studios. Once I can afford it, there's a whole slew of workshops that I'm wanting to take before October.

(Picture taken by Nina Lytton)

Now, all of this takes a lot of money. Money that my day job doesn't necessarily help me out with. But, it feels great to have made all this headway with these 3 parts of my life.
I want to be wary about screaming, "Go ahead, Saturn!! Bring it on!!!"

But, for now, it doesn't feel too bad at all.